The Secret to Navigating Your Wedding Guest List

A wedding save the date of the couple holding hands and walking on the beach in Galveston Island. — Photo: Lily Cox Photography | CVB: Visit Galveston | Custom Tan: goGLOW Custom Sunless Tan

Now that you’ve said “yes” to forever, it’s time to embark on one of the most exciting (and occasionally overwhelming) journeys: planning your wedding. As I enter this process myself, one piece of advice I’d share with every bride-to-be is to start with a rough wedding guest list. Knowing the approximate number of family and friends you’d like to invite is essential, whether envisioning an intimate gathering or a grand celebration. This will give you a helpful starting point when touring venues, where guest count will inevitably come up.

But beyond the number lies one of the most debated topics in guest list planning: plus-ones. Should everyone get one? What are the etiquette rules, if any? Perhaps the most pressing question is: How can we keep everyone happy while keeping our vision intact?

A recent article in The New York Times, “To All the Single Ladies and Men at Weddings,” sparked conversation around the office. The timing was impeccable, as my fiancé, Pierce, and I were already deeply discussing who would get a plus-one. We knew that decisions around plus-ones would impact our guest count and, ultimately, the overall feel of our day–so we knew we had to be intentional.

For us, the guest list started with our families, which already numbered around a hundred people. From there, we added friends near and far, plus our parents’ invites. We knew we’d have a large celebration from the beginning, but we wanted to make thoughtful choices about extending plus-ones, particularly since every extra guest meant more space.

Our first decision was clear: our wedding party members would receive a plus-one, no questions asked. After all, these people have stood by us and will play a significant part in our wedding weekend. Then, when it came to other friends, Pierce and I set some guidelines. Single friends, as well as those who are casually dating or in newer relationships with people we haven’t yet met, would not be extended a plus-one. For instance, if friends were in long-term committed relationships (generally, two years or more) or if their significant other was also a friend of ours, we wanted them to feel included.

It’s important to remember that there is no rulebook for plus-ones at weddings. Each couple has unique circumstances and priorities. As I’ve learned, it’s okay to set boundaries and say no if that feels right for you and your partner. After all, this is your day, a reflection of your relationship, and a celebration of your love story.

Planning a wedding should be joyful as it is meaningful, so try not to let the “plus-one question” overshadow the excitement. Make your guest list choices with intention, and trust that those who care about you will understand your decisions.