Essential Wedding Wisdom for the Groom Before The Big Day

From the Archives

By: Natasha Garber

Brides, go ahead and step aside—just for a moment, if you will. This here article is for the grooms in the room. If you’re wondering, future husband, how to be the best darn betrothed dude you can possibly be, we’d like to offer this exclusive Weddings in Houston groom’s guide, with expert input from former E! Entertainment host and author of “Groomology” (Sourcebooks Casablanca, 2009), Michael Essany.

Continue scrolling for seven essential words of wedding wisdom for the groom.

1. Get on the same page.

No, you and your bride will not, and are not expected to, share opinions about everything having to do with your wedding. But approaching wedding planning from a place of mutual respect will help you when the going gets tough—and believe us, it will get tough in patches. Whether you’re planning to be ultra-involved or are likely to be hands-off, you and your future Mrs. will do well to start things off right. Here’s a suggestion: Sit down together with a cocktail, mocktail, non-fat-double-decaf-venti-caramel-macchiato—whatever wets your whistle—and jot down the major planning elements and decision points, from color scheme to table settings to music, food, etc. As the groom, you need to “determine what aspect of the ceremony, reception or honeymoon is most important to you and then express those wishes to your bride-to-be,” Essany says. “I always tell grooms to remember that it’s their big day, too. Just be ready to toss your ideas if they are 1) proven inappropriate, 2) proven wrong, or 3) proven to upset your bride.” And it doesn’t hurt to agree, out loud, to always remember why you’ve embarked on this whole wacky wedding-planning ordeal in the first place—because you love each other, and you want to celebrate that love.

2. Be as involved as you want—and as she needs you—to be.

“Unfortunately for many guys, the good old days of just showing up are over,” says Essany. Beyond that, he adds, “How involved a groom is should primarily depend on how involved the bride wants him to be. And there’s a good chance she’ll want you involved in no shortage of ways.” Maybe you and she are both content to let her pick out the flowers for the centerpieces and her bouquet, but she’d really like your assistance in selecting invitations. Perhaps you would like to mastermind the reception’s signature cocktail while she’s pleased to sit sorting through table-linen swatches. One area you both likely will enjoy being involved in is food. Attend catering tastings side by side and decide on the reception menu together. And definitely visit your baker as a duo to taste possible cakes—especially if you’re planning on picking out a groom’s cake. Which brings us too…

3. Make your wedding your wedding, at least in part.

Even if the pink-and-cream color scheme wasn’t your idea, and you couldn’t care a whit whether the chiavaris had back covers or not (and don’t know what the heck a chiavari is anyway, for that matter), it still is your wedding, together, and the festivities should reflect your personality—at least a little. Many grooms find their creative outlet in the aforementioned groom’s cake, which can be designed to represent your hobbies and passions, whether Motocross or “Mad Men,” fly-fishing, or Food Network. Working with your baker to design a groom’s cake is also a great excuse to eat more. Which is always great.

4. Weigh in on that wish list.

“It is pivotal for the groom to be involved in the gift-registry process,” Essany says. “It may be seen as tedious and time-consuming, but the guys deserve to get some goodies too. As a general rule of thumb, I think it’s integral for a couple to mutually decide on where they are going to register or to register at two different places”—one that caters to the groom’s preferences and one to the bride’s. When sitting down to plot out your registry list, figure out which areas that matter most to you—whether barware, bath towels or small electronics—and express your desire to be the decider in these areas.

5. Be supportive when she needs your support most.

As Essany puts it, “Make her forget about the wedding and remember why she is marrying you in the first place,” especially when she seems stressed and, as well, perhaps a little obsessed. “Overall, it isn’t rocket science,” Essany adds. “A thoughtful surprise on a consistent basis goes a long way. Pamper her, cook her dinner, send her flowers at work, or even just do her laundry. In the big picture, it doesn’t matter. Small gestures can work big wonders in times of high stress.

6. Don’t forget to thank your friends.  

“Contrary to conventional wisdom, I say go mushy with groomsmen gifts,” Essany says. “Deep down, guys are sentimental too. A small but meaningful thank you present will go a long way. One of my oldest friends gave his best man a vintage Nintendo game for a gift (a game they played together as kids). He almost cried when he got it, as a flood of memories returned.”

7. Remember, you’re in it together—now and forever.

“Weddings are now a team sport,” Essany notes. “Don’t be afraid to get out there. My bride and I went to a bridal expo. She won a tiara, and I won a free Miller Lite T-shirt—the perfect wedding double play.” Sharing the wedding-planning process and keeping a good sense of humor about your involvement in it is a terrific way to kick off a lifetime of compromise, shared decision-making, and new discoveries about each other. Also: Lots of bridal shows, open houses, and wedding events offer really, really good free food and drinks. Just sayin’

For essential words of wedding wisdom for the groom, you can find Michael Essany’s “Groomology”—a great gift, by the way—at www.amazon.com.

Groom, now that you’ve taken in these essential words of wedding wisdom for the groom get inspired by these 12 Stylish Groom’s Gifts with Bering’s for the perfect finishing touch.

“Essential Wedding Wisdom for the Groom Before The Big Day” Spotlight WiH Partners- Venue: Le Tesserae | Thompson Houston, by Hyatt | The Astorian | Post Oak Hotel at Uptown Houston | Corinthian Houston | The Vault at Corinthian Houston | Hotel ICON | C. Baldwin, Curio Collection by Hilton | Planning, Décor + Floral: Beyond Bloems | Stationery: Bering’s | Cake: Susie’s Cakes | Lighting, Sound + Special Effects: Bright Star Productions | Wedding Entertainment: Danny Ray and the Atlantic Street Band | Getaway Car: iExotic Car Rental & Chauffeur

Contributing Photographers- RaeTay Photography / April M. Payne Photography / Monica Krc Photography / Mustard Seed Photography / Nate Messarra Photography / Stephania Campos / Carhart Photography